When We See Trauma Online and Offline: Resources for Caregivers and Educators

Teens in the United States spend an average of more than 4 hours using and viewing social media each day. While younger children are less likely to have social media accounts, they often have access to internet and streaming videos, including news, reality and scripted shows, and influencer content. Access to digital media can provide support and enrichment to families, but it can also expose young people to news and images of violence and distressing events in the world and close to home. 

Indirect exposure to traumatic experiences can cause distress

We don’t need to experience trauma directly to feel its impact. Indirect exposure to traumatic events can also cause young children, teens, and adults significant distress. We can experience indirect exposure when watching television and online media and by hearing about an event from another person who has experienced trauma firsthand. 

People in helping professions – like school counselors, nurses, and social workers – refer to this phenomenon as secondary traumatic stress, compassion fatigue, or vicarious trauma. In some cases, it can even cause stress responses that mimic how people experience traumatic events firsthand. 

In other words, in some cases, there is no difference between the effects of experiencing a traumatic event online or offline. 

Use the following resources, recommendations, and advice to help you navigate distressing situations with the young people in your life.

For Caregivers

We all respond to stress in our own ways

Everyone responds to stress differently, and it can be helpful to think of the stress response as existing on a spectrum. Some of us become quiet, withdrawn, sad, sleepy, or numb or have low energy and low motivation. While others may become anxious, angry, scared, panicked, tense, fidgety, or lash out. 

There is no “right way” to respond to stress; all are totally normal and appropriate.

Consider your child’s baseline behavior. What are they like when they are at ease, content, and calm? Then look for any changes to that behavior to clue you in to how they are managing their stress. 

Self-regulation skills can help young people cope

Self-regulation is a person’s ability to identify and effectively manage emotions. Our ability to do this will naturally ebb and flow. How much we feel focused, engaged, and in control of our behavior depends on many factors. These factors include how well-nourished we are, opportunities we’ve had to move our bodies, interactions we’ve had with friends, and how confident we feel academically (to name a few).

Stress manifests differently, so each child will regulate differently. The goal is to equip young people with lifelong skills so they can eventually regulate independently. We encourage you to take a collaborative approach with your child when you observe signs of distress, anxiety, and stress. Rather than telling your child to regulate in certain ways (e.g., “Talk it out.” “Meditate!” “Draw your feelings!”), help them explore multiple techniques for calming or reenergizing their bodies and minds. Our Virtual Me Moments Hub has many self-regulating strategies to suit different personalities and needs. 

Adults can model self-awareness and coping strategies at home

If your child is struggling with a distressing event, it is likely that you are too. Healthier Generation’s quick learning activity, How to Foster Self-Awareness when Challenging Emotions Arise, can help you explore how stress shows up in your beliefs, body, and behaviors (the three Bs) and will provide you with printables and tools to normalize challenging emotions at home.

 After a distressing event, reach out to other adults who can be your support system and be mindful of sharing too much of your own stress response with your child. You’ll connect with the support you need while modeling community care for your child or teen. This does not mean you can’t share that you are struggling or hurting. In fact, narrating how you plan to cope shows young people that challenging emotions are part of being human and they have a safe adult who can help them feel secure and move forward. 

For Educators

Adults can support young people at school and in their community

Adults and young people can share opportunities for self-regulation together at school, too. Virtual Me Moments are resources and activities that can help all adults working with young people. We recommend using the Check Your Bs: How to Manage Stress at School tool to help students individually or collaboratively identify stressful moments at school or in out-of-school settings. This activity helps inform adults what kind of supports students need in a setting where they might have more freedom to regulate than they have at home. 

Exploring and revisiting this tool as a group can also help students see that stress is normal and common, and it shows up differently for all of us.  

If you work with students, share strategies to help them regulate, and reach out to the experts in your community if you feel students need more support than you can give. 

Remember to avoid diagnosing a student if you are not a trained medical professional. A professional school counselor, school social worker, or administrator can refer you to support or meet with the student to learn more. 

Compassion and curiosity go a long way in connecting with families

Some families may not be prepared to talk with their young people about a distressing situation. When communicating with them, stay curious rather than making judgments. Share the tools you are using to support their students, like the Virtual Me Moments Hub and Check Your Bs, but do not mandate how a family should respond to a distressing event. Remember that distressing situations impact each of us differently, and our experiences are often influenced by our cultures and identities. 

Consider the reasons behind their responses:

• Did the event remind them of something that has impacted their family? 
• Are they worried that focusing on the event will make their child feel overwhelmed or hopeless? 
• Is there an opportunity for you to learn more about why they respond to difficult situations the ways they do?

Focusing on agency can help reframe frightening situations

It can be healing for families and students to focus on their agency, which is related to self-management and part of social-emotional learning. Think about a time you observed or experienced a challenging event. The worst part might have been feeling like there was nothing you could do to help or prevent something bad from happening again. Reframing distressing events as an opportunity to foster a sense of agency can feel more comfortable for some young people and their families. Building a student’s agency can help young people find a healing path forward. Check in with actions they can take:

• Can they identify a few coping skills in the Virtual Me Moments Hub to feel ready to manage big feelings during the school day? 
• Can they write letters to advocate for change or join a student group and give back to the community? 

Empathy and setting boundaries can help young people support each other

Young people often rely on their peers for emotional support. Giving support can be overwhelming for friends who are still in the process of learning their own coping skills and aren’t equipped to handle the stress of their friends. When your child wants to be there for a friend who is in distress, remind them that there are medical professionals who can support them and their friends. They don’t have to do it alone. Simply having adults in schools and out-of-school time settings who facilitate conversations about stressful interactions can help reduce stigma for young people who are coping with trauma or distress. 

Equip your young person with empathetic responses for moments like these. “I know you’re struggling. I think our school counselor or another trusted adult could help.” Model your own healthy boundaries with friends and family members using our Boundary Setting Tool. Create healthy boundaries around smartphone or computer usage to give your young person time to disconnect and not feel like they need to be constantly available to their peers in distress. 

Additional Resources

Thank you for responding to young people and families with empathy and compassion in times of distress. Explore these resources and activities to support social-emotional health:

• 8 Tips for Caregivers to Encourage Digital Well-Being
• How to Help Children Cope with Extreme Weather
• Now in Mandarin and Nepali: Four Family Activities to Try
• Video: What Is Self-Care? | Everyday Tips for Parents and Caregivers
• Video: ¿Qué es el cuidado personal? | Consejos cotidianos para padres y cuidadores

-By Alexis Lassus, national advisor, whole child health – social-emotional learning, and Christina Rodriguez, national advisor, whole child health – trauma-informed approaches, with Kohleun Adamson, culturally responsive communications manager